Franchise Friday! The Wrong Turn Series!

The Wrong Turn Movies are a series of horror flicks that walk the line between the Stalk and Slash subgenre (which I love) and the Torture Porn subgenre (which I hate) much the same way as The Hills Have Eyes and any other cannibals preying on innocent vacationer movie you can think of does. To date there have been 5 movies in this franchise; 1 released theatrically and 4 more going  straight to home video.  Here are the worst to best. I said “best” in reference to a Wrong Turn movie. Tee Hee.

 

 

#5 Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead (2009)
Why is this my least favorite Wrong Turn movie? Could it be the horrible unlikeable cast? Predictable run of the mill kills pathetic pacing or bullshit ending? It could be. There is absolutely no one in this film to root for after the hour mark. There is absolutely no reason for this movie to exist. When Most of your “protagonist” are creepy/obnoxious prisoners as a slasher  fan I just want them all to die. Oh and the heist angle and crappy ending? Straight out of left field. A left turn if you will.

 

 

#4 Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
The Sequel to the Prequel! Gosh these new movie tropes that are created out of necessity by remakes and sequels are daunting no? This movie picks up after the events of Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings so it’s comforting to know Henry Rollins and Jeremy Sisto are alive and well during the proceedings!

Picking up where Wrong Turn 4 left off the three cannibals escape the sanitarium and come across five friends on a road trip to The Mountain Man Festival. Hilarity ensues. Well not so much hilarity but more like decapitation and bloodletting ensues. Like the  prequel before it Wrong Turn 5 has a downer everybody dies ending that the movie really doesn’t earn.
Best death: Snow blower
Biggest Flaw: Unlikeable stupid characters

#3 Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginings (2011)
(Do the big ass pics and longer reviews mean the movies are getting better? yes!)
ARRRG! I was soooo rooting for this movie. And I still watch it every time it comes on TV. Even the gored down Syfy version. Wrong Turn 4 is a prequel telling the origin of the Wrong Turn Cannibals. What it has going for it is a mostly female cast. Now a mostly female cast in a horror movie is both a blessing and a curse. (See The Decent) The blessing is you get to see a bunch of women fight and survive some horror using their brains and brawn which is always sexy. The down side is if the whole cast is female that’s an all chic menu for the monster to feast on and with 9 deaths involving women the tendency to regress to torture porn and women in bondage scenes is upped considerably. In these genre flicks the line is pretty thin as it is. Another thing this movie has going for it is the same “anyone can die” dynamic that made the first sequel so successful. When the smoke cleared the last women standing are not whom you might expect which is refreshing. Oh and this brings me to the other thing that had me rooting for this movie. Tanika Davis!

( I was Whitney Houston’s Stunt double in 1992′s The Body Guard. I’m kidding I was like 4)

A brown skinned Sista who is also a lesbian and manages to emerge as a survivor and a force to be reckoned with without being obvious about it…she is. I truly did not see this coming considering the character didn’t seem to be set up as the leader or ever the bravest or smartest of the group. In fact how many slasher movies have black final girls? Any? Well my happiness ended (Spolier Alert) in the last few frames of the movie as Ms Davis and her co- Final Girl are decapitated while escaping on a Snowmobile,,,

(Fuck you Wrong Turn 4!)

#2 Wrong Turn

 

Wrong Turn started it all. Well ok not really Wes Cravens The Hills Have Eyes did pretty much the same thing in the late 70’s but as far as Wrong Turn  movies go Wrong Turn 1 oddly enough…um.. started it all… . One of the things that worked was the talent involved. This cast includes future star Jeremy Sisto (Law and Order) and current star Eliza Dushku  (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doll House).

 

While this helped on the acting front it did nothing for suspense as we knew exactly who the last 2 characters alive would be the minute they are introduced. (Hint The tv star from Buffy is going to live longer than the actress you have never heard of from The Famous Jet Jackson) and while sometimes this telegraphed mortality in horror can be a comfort, for a true horror fan it an make the movie kind of boring. Wrong Turn is about being out of your element, in the wrong place at the wrong time and on these levels it works just fine.

(Aww guys look this is what is called an original horror idea. It’s laying dead on the ground)

Best Death. Fiance target practice. Sisto gets an arrow.
Biggest Flaw: Predictability

(I’m not French but I do kiss that way)

#1 Wrong Turn 2

How atypical.  A sequel that is actually more entertaining than the original movie. That never happens in movies. Well except of course for Spiderman 2 and The Godfather Part 2 and X-men 2 and The Empire Strikes Back. Ok so it happens all the time in Hollywood but hardly ever in the horror genre. No Halloween or Nightmare on Elm Street or Final Destination or Scream sequel was has ever been able to touch the original. Ok so Friday The 13th The Final Chapter and Aliens surpass their source material but those are slasher anomalies. The direct to video Wrong Turn 2  works on a number of levels. For one it ups the gore considerably. If you are a gore hound this is the best of the bunch with some truly fantastic and disturbing kills. Another thing this movie does right is the way it completely messes with the laws of Final Girls and character survival in general.
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Wrong Turn 2 has it’s typical clichéd bunch of cannon fodder (the jock, the slut, the comic relief) but it turns these tropes on it’s ear with who lives and who dies. A Character actually announces “I’m a Bitch you know it and I know it” and we all expect/demand she die a horrible death while the likeable practical virgin lives. Don’t count on this movie to play by those rules.

 

(I’m a bitch and I know it and you know it and apparently the killers didn’t get the memo cuz I live)

Oh and Rollins. Wrong Turn 2 has Henry Rollins in my absolute favorite roll of his distinguished career!

SLASHER BREAKDOWN
(the things that matter in a slasher movie in the order they matter)

Scariest: Wrong Turn 2
Best Final girl: Wrong Turn
Best Deaths: Wrong Turn 2
Most Surprises: Wrong Turn 2
Best Direction: Wrong Turn 2
Best acting: Wrong Turn
Best in the bunch? Wrong Turn 2!