13 Blogs of Halloween: The 5 Blackest Horror Movies Ever Made

“The black guy always dies first” yeah yeah we have heard it all before a million times. The funny thing is statistically speaking the black guy usually dies third but whatever. The point is black folks historically have not fared well in the genre of horror. Now that’s not to say we have not made an impact (beyond the impact of Jason Machete against some poor homeboi’s/homegirl’s dome in a crappy Friday The 13th sequel. Sure some black It Girls of the moment have appeared in whatever horror franchise was hot at that moment (Kelly Rowland in Freddy V.S. Jason, Brandy in I Still Know What You Did Last Summer and Jada Pinkett Smith in Scream 2) but even here they either appeared in cameos or played second fiddle to the blonde lead. Or died. Or both. One sad note..I wanted to make a list of the 13 blackest horror movies of all time but I could only think of like 6 of merit and there is no WAY I’m giving credibility to that Omarion abortion Somebody Help Me. Anyway here is the list:

 

#5 - The People Under The Stairs

 

After the success of his Nightmare On Elm Street franchise (and a few bombs like Shocker) director Wes Craven offered this odd, suspenseful highly entertaining urban horror a few years before the better known Tales from The Hood or Candyman. The movie is almost a metaphor on gentrification where evil Landlords who live in a sprawling mansion in an urban area prey on the locals in more way’s then unfair rent hikes. Ving Rhames makes one of his earliest film appearances in an almost all black cast that also features Kelly Jo Mintor and Brandom Williams. One of the final shots of the movie, when the black youths blow up the evil mansion literally spewing cash all over the run down neighborhood pretty much drives home the metaphor.

#4 - Night of the Living Dead

 

 

(1968) Night Of The Living Dead only had one black dude in it. But boy was he THE dude. When dead bodies start to come back to life with a hunger for human flesh EVERYONE freaks the fuck out. The military, the media, the locals…everyone that is except for Ben the lead character. Ben was smart, smooth, calm, honest tough, brave…and black. His wits and honor served him well and he alone survived the zombie attack. A black lead in an all white movie was almost unheard of in 1968 and to have a black lead in a horror flick with the character qualities listed above was completely new to movie audiences. The dark quasi political ending of the film (Ben is shot dead by a posse of red neck zombie hunters even though he was not a zombie really struck a cord and still does to this day.

#3 - Candyman (1992)

Based on a short story (The Forbidden) by Clive Hellraiser Barker, Candyman was a huge it in 1992. It concerns a true urban legend focusing on the notorious Cabrini Green housing projects and a supernatural killer (Candyman) that will appear in a mirror and kill you if you say his name five times. Tense, scary well written and well acted it introduced the worlds only true black horror icon (played by Tony Todd) who could stand near Jason, Michael or Freddy with pride.

#2 - Tales From The Hood (1995)

 

Spike Lee got into producing urban scary movies with this 1995 anthology. With a drug deal gone bad used as a framing device a creepy funeral director (played by Clarence Williams the third) tells three doomed drug dealers various tales of horror including a racist senator who gets his comeuppance via puppet, dirty cops setting up an innocent activist and a ghetto version of A Clockwork Orange. What is striking about these tales of terror is the realness of the writing and plotting. At one point a doomed drug dealer is locked up with a White Supremacist who points out that it is the black youth who has killed/harmed more black people with drugs and violence than his racist ass ever could hope to. Scary, thoughtful ballsy and entertaining…why there has never been a sequel yet we have 2 Somebody Help Me flicks is beyond me.

 

#1 - Blackula (1972)

What else was going to be #1? Much more than a blaxploitation version of Dracula, William Marshal gives a truly sexy, scary and tragic performance as the dark prince (heh) Prince Mamuwalde, a ruler of an African nation who in 1780 tried to convince Count Dracula to help him suppress the slave trade. The Count responds by turning him into a vampire and years later (1972) Mamuwalde returns as Blacula. Blacula was one of the top grossing movies of 1972 winning the Saturn Award for best picture. The success of this movie started a wave of Blaxploitation horror movies including Blackenstein and the Blacula sequel Scream Blacula Scream.

Top 13 Charlie's Angels Moments in Horror

(originally posted Oct 30th 2012 on charliesangels.org)
By Greg B and Anna J

When you think Halloween or horror, one of the first things that pops into most peoples’ heads is of course Charlie’s Angels. Ok that’s a dirty lie. Charlie’s Angels typically had little to do with the horror genre. In fact the few times the seminal 70′s cop show tried to be scary (Haunted Angels, Of Ghosts and Angels) it failed miserably. Sure, a few victims (and Angels) were POV slasher-type affairs, but usually directed sloppily and featuring ho-hum bad guys as opposed to unstoppable killing machines like Michael or Jason. Truly scary Angel moments were few and far between and when something disturbing did appear on screen it was usually unintentional and more along the lines of shirtless Bosley than a well-executed spooky sequence. But this didn’t stop the show and its stars and many guest stars from contributing greatly to the horror landscape of the 70′s and early 80′s. We here at TA have compiled 13 moments/movies/actors in horror that relate to both Charlie’s Angels and the horror genre. These might not be the scariest, most iconic or even the 13 greatest moments in horror history, but they are without a doubt the TOP 13 CHARLIES ANGELSEST MOMENTS IN HORROR!

 

#13 - FREDDY VS. KRIS!
ACTOR: Robert Englund
ANGEL CRED: Appeared as a bad guy in Season 4′s Harrigan's Angel
HORROR CRED: Played Freddy Kruger in 8 Nightmare On Elm Street movies
Although Robert Englund’s character in Season 4′s Harrigan’s Angel was not very memorable or important to even that episode, it must be noted that before A Nightmare On Elm Street, Freddy Kruger went up against Kris Munroe… and lost.

 

#12 – NIGHT OF THE STRANGLER
ACTRESS: Jaclyn Smith
ANGEL CRED: Played Angel Kelly Garrett on Charlie’s Angels 1976-1981
HORROR CRED: Nightkill (1980)
This 1980 thriller was meant for theatrical release but went straight to television. Calling this a horror flick is pushing it, but it does involve a murder and a mystery and some found dead bodies and we so wanted to include Jaclyn on this list, so hell it’s either this or The Night They Saved Christmas which is scary in its own way.

 

# 11 - DRACULA IN HIDING
ACTOR: Christopher Lee
ANGEL CRED: Angels in Hiding
HORROR CRED: Really?
Christopher Lee was in The Mummy (1959) as the Mummy, The Curse of Frankenstein (1957) as Frankenstein’s monster, and Horror of Dracula (1958) as Dracula, among other horror classics so when he popped up as a shady modeling agency owner in 1980′s Angel In Hiding he didn’t seem so monstrous.

 

#10 - QUEEN BEE
ACTRESS: Kate Jackson
ANGEL CRED: Sabrina Duncan leader of Charlie’s Angels 1976-1979
HORROR CRED:  Killer Bees (1974)
Kate Jackson starred along Gloria Swanson is this 1974 TV movie about an elderly matriarch (Swanson) that has telepathic control over a swarm of killer bees and uses them to terrorize her family (including daughter-in-law-to-be Jackson). Sort of like a TV movie version of The Swarm!

 

#9 - CHIP DIES AGAIN AND AGAIN
ACTOR: Scatman Crothers
ANGEL CRED: Angels in Vegas (1978)
Horror Cred: The Shining (1980)
God the end of Scatman Crothers’ career (and life) consisted of him playing the wise old sage to iconic actors (Dean Martin in Charlie’s Angels and Jack Nicholson in The Shining) and then being horribly murdered before the end credits. What? They were out of lifetime achievement awards?

 

#8 - NO FIREPLACE IN THE BEACHOUSE
ACTRESS: Farrah Fawcett
ANGEL CRED: Jill Munroe on Charlie’s Angels (1976-1980)
HORROR CRED: Extremities (1986)
While the film adaption of the hit Broadway play Extremities was less horror and more psychological thriller, the home invasion/revenge aspect of the story definitely had slasher tropes and we had to get Farrah on this list somehow. Her character in the film proves more than a match psychically as well as psychologically when pitted against would-be rapist Joe (played by James Russo). She beats him up and holds him hostage in her fireplace after a home invasion gone wrong. The film co-stars Alfre Woodard and Diana Scarwid.

 

#7 - OF GHOSTS AND ANGEL
Actress: Kate Jackson
ANGEL CRED: She was Sabrina come on!
HORROR CRED: Dark Shadows
One of Jackson’s first acting roles was starring in the 1970-1971 season of the supernaturally themed cult soap Dark Shadows as ghost Daphne Harridge. She would return to the realm of the not quiet alive a few years later in a TV movie version of Topper (1979) once again playing a ghost.

 

#6 - HITTING JASON IN THE HEAD WITH AN AXE IS HER TALENT
Actress: Dana Kimmel
ANGEL CRED: Appeared in Pretty Angels All in a Row during Season 2
HORROR CRED: Starred as Final Girl Chris Higgins in Friday The 13th part 3 (1983)
Dana played beauty contestant Ms New York who actually beat both Kris and Kelly for the title of Miss Chrysanthemum by twirling a baton and reciting Shakespeare (well sort of, the judges where instructed not to vote for the Angels, but still). 5 years later she traded in her baton for an axe and promptly buried it in Jason’s forehead in the slasher classic Friday The 13th part 3!

 

#5 – TO SEE AN ANGEL DIE
ACTRESS: Tanya Roberts
HORROR CRED: 1979 horror hit Tourist Trap
ANGEL CRED: Tanya Roberts played Angel Julie Rogers during the 1980-81 season of Charlie’s Angels
Final Angel Tanya Roberts played not-so-final-girl Becky in the creepy cult classic Tourist Trap in 1979. Wanna see her die?

 

#4 - SURVIVED MICHAEL MEYERS, SUCCUMBED TO INGA
ACTRESS: Nancy Stephens
HORROR CRED: Halloween, Halloween 2, Halloween H2o
ANGEL CRED: Season 1′s The Killing Kind
Nancy popped up as nosey soggy doomed journalist Brooke Anderson in the first epiosde of Charlie’s Angels filmed: the Killing Kind. She was drowned by butch Swiss Miss-looking assassin Inga in the first five minutes of the show, playing Nurse Marion assistant to Sam Loomis (Donald Pleacance) and adversary to Michael Meyers in the first two Halloween movies. Nancy portrayed a feisty and resilient opponent for The Shape. She also appeared briefly in Halloween H2o but her neck was slit in the first five minutes of the movie.

 

 

#3 - THEY ALWAYS FALL FOR THE BAD GUY
ACTRESS: Shelley Hack
HORROR CRED: She starred in the cult classic The Stepfather (1987). She also co-starred in a forgettable Tales from the Crypt but it was forgettable so who cares
ANGEL CRED: She played brainy beauty Tiffany Welles in the fourth Season of Charlie's Angels (1979-80)
The Stepfather was a small-budget, well-acted, extremely creepy little suburban horror flick that made a cult icon out of star Terry Oquinn as the title character, a perfectionist suburban dad who literally disposes of his family when they begin to disappoint him. Shelley plays his latest wife who, along with her daughter (played by scream queen Jill Schoelen) is forced to take on the psychopath she promised to love, honor and obey.

 

#2 - STILL STALKED..BY A CROC!
ACTRESS: Jamie Lee Curtis
HORROR CRED: She’s the scream queen. In just 3 years she starred in Halloween 1 and 2, The Fog, Terror Train and Prom Night surviving each and every movie as the final girl.
ANGEL CRED: Third Season episode Winning is For Losers (1978)
One of her first projects after Halloween was guest starring as one of the Angels’ more likeable friends, golf phenom and Kris Munroe pal in Winning is For Losers (1978). This episode is famous for the scene in which, in an effort to protect Jamie Lee, Cheryl Ladd actually wrestles an alligator.

 

#1 - ”GOOD EVENING DEMONS, I HAVE AN ASSIGNMENT FOR YOU”
MOVIE: Satan’s School For Girls!
HORROR CRED: Early 70′s cult classic TV movie
ANGEL CRED: Starring Angels Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd, co-starring Angels guest star Lloyd Bochner, produced by Aaron Spelling.
Three years before Charlie’s Angels debut and four years before they worked together as Angels, Kate Jackson and Cheryl Ladd starred in the cult classic TV movie Satan’s School for Girls. Which fortunately was located directly across the street from God’s School for Guys so they kinda cancelled each other out. Jackson and Ladd co-starred as doomed classmates and cultmates Roberta and Jody, who in the end sacrifice themselves to Satan. Oh, and just make this depressing cheesy chiller even more Angelsesqe, guest star Lloyd Bochner (Angels Belong in Heaven, Angel Hunt) also stars and the movie was produced by Aaron Spelling! Kate Jackson appeared again in the rather weak sequel in 2000.

Franchise Friday! The Wrong Turn Series!

The Wrong Turn Movies are a series of horror flicks that walk the line between the Stalk and Slash subgenre (which I love) and the Torture Porn subgenre (which I hate) much the same way as The Hills Have Eyes and any other cannibals preying on innocent vacationer movie you can think of does. To date there have been 5 movies in this franchise; 1 released theatrically and 4 more going  straight to home video.  Here are the worst to best. I said “best” in reference to a Wrong Turn movie. Tee Hee.

 

 

#5 Wrong Turn 3: Left For Dead (2009)
Why is this my least favorite Wrong Turn movie? Could it be the horrible unlikeable cast? Predictable run of the mill kills pathetic pacing or bullshit ending? It could be. There is absolutely no one in this film to root for after the hour mark. There is absolutely no reason for this movie to exist. When Most of your “protagonist” are creepy/obnoxious prisoners as a slasher  fan I just want them all to die. Oh and the heist angle and crappy ending? Straight out of left field. A left turn if you will.

 

 

#4 Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines (2012)
The Sequel to the Prequel! Gosh these new movie tropes that are created out of necessity by remakes and sequels are daunting no? This movie picks up after the events of Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginnings so it’s comforting to know Henry Rollins and Jeremy Sisto are alive and well during the proceedings!

Picking up where Wrong Turn 4 left off the three cannibals escape the sanitarium and come across five friends on a road trip to The Mountain Man Festival. Hilarity ensues. Well not so much hilarity but more like decapitation and bloodletting ensues. Like the  prequel before it Wrong Turn 5 has a downer everybody dies ending that the movie really doesn’t earn.
Best death: Snow blower
Biggest Flaw: Unlikeable stupid characters

#3 Wrong Turn 4: Bloody Beginings (2011)
(Do the big ass pics and longer reviews mean the movies are getting better? yes!)
ARRRG! I was soooo rooting for this movie. And I still watch it every time it comes on TV. Even the gored down Syfy version. Wrong Turn 4 is a prequel telling the origin of the Wrong Turn Cannibals. What it has going for it is a mostly female cast. Now a mostly female cast in a horror movie is both a blessing and a curse. (See The Decent) The blessing is you get to see a bunch of women fight and survive some horror using their brains and brawn which is always sexy. The down side is if the whole cast is female that’s an all chic menu for the monster to feast on and with 9 deaths involving women the tendency to regress to torture porn and women in bondage scenes is upped considerably. In these genre flicks the line is pretty thin as it is. Another thing this movie has going for it is the same “anyone can die” dynamic that made the first sequel so successful. When the smoke cleared the last women standing are not whom you might expect which is refreshing. Oh and this brings me to the other thing that had me rooting for this movie. Tanika Davis!

( I was Whitney Houston’s Stunt double in 1992′s The Body Guard. I’m kidding I was like 4)

A brown skinned Sista who is also a lesbian and manages to emerge as a survivor and a force to be reckoned with without being obvious about it…she is. I truly did not see this coming considering the character didn’t seem to be set up as the leader or ever the bravest or smartest of the group. In fact how many slasher movies have black final girls? Any? Well my happiness ended (Spolier Alert) in the last few frames of the movie as Ms Davis and her co- Final Girl are decapitated while escaping on a Snowmobile,,,

(Fuck you Wrong Turn 4!)

#2 Wrong Turn

 

Wrong Turn started it all. Well ok not really Wes Cravens The Hills Have Eyes did pretty much the same thing in the late 70’s but as far as Wrong Turn  movies go Wrong Turn 1 oddly enough…um.. started it all… . One of the things that worked was the talent involved. This cast includes future star Jeremy Sisto (Law and Order) and current star Eliza Dushku  (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Doll House).

 

While this helped on the acting front it did nothing for suspense as we knew exactly who the last 2 characters alive would be the minute they are introduced. (Hint The tv star from Buffy is going to live longer than the actress you have never heard of from The Famous Jet Jackson) and while sometimes this telegraphed mortality in horror can be a comfort, for a true horror fan it an make the movie kind of boring. Wrong Turn is about being out of your element, in the wrong place at the wrong time and on these levels it works just fine.

(Aww guys look this is what is called an original horror idea. It’s laying dead on the ground)

Best Death. Fiance target practice. Sisto gets an arrow.
Biggest Flaw: Predictability

(I’m not French but I do kiss that way)

#1 Wrong Turn 2

How atypical.  A sequel that is actually more entertaining than the original movie. That never happens in movies. Well except of course for Spiderman 2 and The Godfather Part 2 and X-men 2 and The Empire Strikes Back. Ok so it happens all the time in Hollywood but hardly ever in the horror genre. No Halloween or Nightmare on Elm Street or Final Destination or Scream sequel was has ever been able to touch the original. Ok so Friday The 13th The Final Chapter and Aliens surpass their source material but those are slasher anomalies. The direct to video Wrong Turn 2  works on a number of levels. For one it ups the gore considerably. If you are a gore hound this is the best of the bunch with some truly fantastic and disturbing kills. Another thing this movie does right is the way it completely messes with the laws of Final Girls and character survival in general.
ww

Wrong Turn 2 has it’s typical clichéd bunch of cannon fodder (the jock, the slut, the comic relief) but it turns these tropes on it’s ear with who lives and who dies. A Character actually announces “I’m a Bitch you know it and I know it” and we all expect/demand she die a horrible death while the likeable practical virgin lives. Don’t count on this movie to play by those rules.

 

(I’m a bitch and I know it and you know it and apparently the killers didn’t get the memo cuz I live)

Oh and Rollins. Wrong Turn 2 has Henry Rollins in my absolute favorite roll of his distinguished career!

SLASHER BREAKDOWN
(the things that matter in a slasher movie in the order they matter)

Scariest: Wrong Turn 2
Best Final girl: Wrong Turn
Best Deaths: Wrong Turn 2
Most Surprises: Wrong Turn 2
Best Direction: Wrong Turn 2
Best acting: Wrong Turn
Best in the bunch? Wrong Turn 2!

MTV Video Music Awards Review!

Instead of actually reviewing these soft core porn like festivities I decieded instead to simply copy and paste my FB running commentary

8pm: Why Lady Gaga refuses to allow homosexuals to be a part of her performance is beyond me!

8:09: Selena Gomez v.s. Bruno Mars! May the best bitch win!

8:43: Ever since Annette Funicello dies all the Disney Girls have really gone the whore route (sorry I’ll stop)

8:51: Miley must have popped a pill because my god…I have this horrible feeling 2 chainz is gonna have a threesome with Miley Cyrus and Hanna Montanna tonight. I pray for her safety

9:03: That stage has a yeast infection

9:07: Well I googled “Vapid Twat” and Taylor Swifts VMA acceptance speech came up! (not sorry!)

9:10: If Taylor Swift wins another award I want to see a Carrie White like pig blood scene minus the telekinetic fury that follows.

9:43: RE: Justin Timberlake Nsynch reunion: That was hot I LOVE New Kids On The Block!

9:46: I bet you Diane Keaton Annie Hall era LOVES that Suit and Tie song!

10:00pm I have a sneaking suspicion most of those One Direction are a bit gay. Like if u take a naked Rhianna and put her in a room with One Direction u would see like One Erection. (again sorry)

10:17pm: That artist The Weekend poor guy. It’s bad if your name is The Weekend and you can’t win a single award on a Sunday. I’kk be here all night folks! Please tip the waitress and try the veal.